The One Document That Changed How I Lead Every Team
I almost lost one of the best people I ever hired because I assumed she worked the way I did.
She was a data scientist at Joany — sharp, creative, the kind of person who’d see a pattern in a data set that the rest of us walked right past. I was pumped to have her.
But a few weeks in, I started watching her check out. Five minutes into a meeting she’d be locked in — and then gone. Eyes somewhere else, body restless, not contributing. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I could feel what was coming. She was either going to tell me she was leaving, or I was going to have to let her go.
So I pulled her aside and told her what I’d been noticing. She told me she had ADHD. She was embarrassed, afraid it would cost her the job. She’d even been looking into medication she didn’t want to take — just to get through those meetings.
I told her she didn’t need meds. I said, I got you. Let’s figure this out together.
I asked her to update her user manual — a short document every person on my team fills out that tells people how they actually work. She wrote that long meetings are hard for her and she needs movement to stay focused. She didn’t have to tell anyone about the ADHD. She just told us what she needed.
From there it was easy. When I’d notice her losing focus, I’d say, “Hey, can you go write what I’m saying on the whiteboard?” She’d jump up, grab a marker, and she was right back with us. Little things. Nothing that singled her out. Nothing that turned it into a thing.
She became one of the most valuable people on my team. Not because I managed her harder — because I understood how she worked and gave her the conditions to be brilliant.
That experience made me think: why the hell am I guessing with everybody else? I had 40 people at Joany and I was playing a guessing game with all of them. So I built a system. Every person on the team — including me — fills out a user manual. Then we share them across the whole company.
What’s In a User Manual
I first heard about this from Brad Feld and David Politis — the idea of a “CEO’s User Manual.” I brought it to Joany and it became the way 40 people learned to work together without me refereeing every relationship.
A user manual tells people how to work with you. Not the polished version — the real one. What you need, what annoys you, what shuts you down, and the weird stuff about how your brain works that your team will figure out eventually. They can spend months guessing, or you can just tell them.
I’ve been sharing mine publicly for years — with investors, partners, new hires, people I’m recruiting. Here’s some of it:
What drives me nuts. Sending me an urgent email instead of calling me — if it’s urgent, pick up the phone. Showing up unprepared. Giving me a problem you haven’t tried to think through — I have a rule: bring at least 3 possible solutions before you bring it to me. Being on your phone during a group meeting. Not writing things down, then asking me to repeat what we talked about.
My quirks. Sometimes an idea will set off 20 other ideas in my head all at once. I’ll go quiet and you’ll see my brain running. Just give me a few seconds. I can be controlling when something important is on the line — you might need to tell me you’ve got it so I can back off. I’m working on that. And I don’t do well without sleep or food. You’ll know when I’ve missed a meal.
What I value. People who want to do the best work of their lives. Not perfect — exceptional. People who like debating ideas and can get loud and stubborn about something. That’s healthy to me. That feels real.
The one that surprises people. I’m human first, CEO last. If I’m lucky, you’ll trust me enough so I can see you being human too.
You have your own version of all of this. Everybody does. Your team can spend months in a quiet anxiety spiral trying to figure you out, or you can just tell them and build trust on day one.
Why It Matters More Than You’d Think
When I started reading my team’s manuals, I realized how much I’d been running on assumptions.
A junior employee wrote — and you could tell this was hard for her — I get anxious if I don’t know how I’m doing. She’d never told anyone. Once I knew, I checked in with her regularly and she was a different person. Without the manual, I would’ve assumed she was fine because she never said anything.
Someone else wrote they do their best thinking while walking and might go dark on Slack for an hour before coming back with something really good. Without that, I’d have been pinging them after 20 minutes.
Before one-on-ones, I’d read someone’s manual and already know: she needs regular feedback. He’s quiet in meetings but comes back with the best ideas in writing. She gets wiped by back-to-back calls and does her sharpest work after lunch.
That’s not soft management stuff. That’s knowing how to get the best out of every person on your team. And it meant the whole company worked differently — people stopped bringing every little conflict to me because they actually understood each other. New hires got up to speed in days instead of months. The team ran on its own.
How to Build One This Week
This framework from Adam Bryant uses two sets of questions.
Questions about you:
What are some honest, unfiltered things about you? What drives you nuts? What are your quirks? What do you value in the people you work with? What might people misunderstand about you?
And questions about working with others:
What’s the best way to communicate with you? The best way to convince you of something? How do you like to give and get feedback?
That’s it. Answer those honestly and you have a user manual.
The hard part is going first. Because to teach someone how to work with you, you have to sit with who you actually are — what you need, what drains you, the stuff you’ve been pretending doesn’t bother you. Writing mine was the first time I really looked at some of that. It helped my team, but honestly, it helped me more.
Go first. Write yours. Share it. Then ask your team to write theirs.
If you want to see mine, here it is. Take whatever’s useful.
Reply to share your thoughts — I read every message.
See you next week! 👑
Keep Building,
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